


Special

by Yellowleaf



Category: K-pop, SHINee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-03
Updated: 2013-01-03
Packaged: 2017-11-23 11:13:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/621494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yellowleaf/pseuds/Yellowleaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Jinki kisses Jonghyun, it's by accident. He blames it on stress, having too much to do in such small time. Jinki apologises. Jonghyun doesn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Special

The first time Jinki kisses Jonghyun, it's by accident. He blames it on stress, having too much to do in such small time. Jinki apologises. Jonghyun doesn't.  
  
  


\---

  
  


Jonghyun is the second oldest in the group and he can feel the burden Jinki carries with him. He wants to ease Jinki's troubles and Jonghyun believes Jinki kissing him is just one of those ways of Jinki releases himself and Jonghyun doesn't mind. 

They share a room during the Japan tour. They usually don't. But Jonghyun wants to. Key doesn't say anything. Jinki always believes Jonghyun and Key share something special. A special bond that many are jealous of. Jinki isn't sure if he ever felt jealous of them. But he knows he is lonely.

Jonghyun cares. He is the most caring out of the group. So Jinki says at a radio show. It's the truth. No one can read people better than Jonghyun. So when Jonghyun starts to care about him Jinki believes he's just being himself. That's all. Nothing special. Jinki never believes he is special. Not special enough to be loved by Jonghyun.

He can feel Jonghyun becoming close to him and he can feel himself moving closer to him. He isn't sure what this is. He doesn't know what it could be. For the best of the team, he lets his feelings be. That's a good answer, he tells himself. So Jinki believes. But at night when he can't sleep he keeps on thinking it's just an excuse. It's just _another_ excuse.

Jonghyun likes to try out new pieces of music. His new experiments. He sings them to Jinki first. Jinki praises his singing. It is always beautiful. Always breathtaking and Jonghyun makes him feel special.  
  


The first time they make love, they are in Japan and Jinki is stressed. But Jinki still doesn't know what this is. It makes him feel better but. Jonghyun. He still doesn't know what all this is to Jonghyun. He doesn't think about it. He doesn't ask him and neither does Jonghyun. For now he just lets things be. It's for the best, he thinks.

__

'Were you watching me sleep?' Jinki opens his eyes to find Jonghyun standing next to his bed, his eyes on him. Jonghyun smiles and walk to the door and disappears behind it.

__

The door slams shut and Jonghyun jumps in surprise from where he stood. He knows Jinki didn't mean to do it but he does. He can feel Jinki's frustration but he decides to not butt in. Jinki is the leader after all and he has been told to let Jinki handle these things by the president.

__

Jinki doesn't return to their hotel room until early morning. Jonghyun stays awake under his blankets. The shower water stops running and the room bathes in darkness. Jonghyun listens to the familiar sounds that Jinki makes as he makes his way to his bed.

__

Jinki doesn't say anything when Jonghyun climbs his way onto his bed. Although he is tired and should sleep he leans into Jonghyun and the warmth he provides him. It is more than he could ask for and he is forever grateful to him for keeping him sane at times like these and for providing the distraction he desperately needs. Jinki burrows his head between Jonghyun's shoulder and neck and shuts his heavy eyelids. He needs to rest. Jonghyun's arms fold around him and Jinki is okay. Just like that. No words needed. This is enough. Right? One shouldn't complicate things.

__

'Why am I telling you this?' It takes a moment for Jinki to realise what he had been doing. He was pouring his inner thoughts out to Jonghyun. Something he hadn't done, not to Jonghyun, not to anyone. But he is wrapped up in a comfortable warmth and he feels free to open himself up. He wants Jonghyun to know.

‘Because you shouldn't hold things back.' Jonghyun's lips are at Jinki's ear, whispering things he needs to hear.

'We all get lonely Jinki hyung. That's why we have each other. You should talk to us. Talk to me.' Jinki tries to turn so Jonghyun loosens his arms around him.

‘Jonghyun.' Jinki stills against the younger boy. His eyes searching for Jonghyun's in the dark.

'I can't.' Jinki whispers, letting his fingers rest on Jonghyun’s arm. 'I can't do that. I shouldn't have.'

'Jinki?' Jonghyun runs a free hand through their leader's hair.

'You don't have to do this on your own.' He leans in and kisses the corner of Jinki's mouth.

Jinki smiles nudging his head closer to the boy with the soft hands.

'I don't want you to suffer. I'm the leader, I should carry the burden that comes with leadership.'

‘I want to help.' Jonghyun kisses Jinki fully this time. His lips parting with Jinki's and their tongues welcoming each other.

Words go unspoken for a while as they spend another night getting reacquainted with each other.

___

Jonghyun is not there when he wakes up in the morning. Despite the thick, heavy blankets, he is cold. He gets out of bed only at the thought of joining his band members.

___

The concrete wall is cold against his bare skin but the thought leaves him as soon as it comes. Jonghyun is holding him by the arm and it's shaking slightly. Jinki's breaths are shallow and he wants to disappear. Nothing is ever enough and he can't take it anymore.

'I want to be your friend.' Jinki cannot bear to touch him.  

Jonghyun's fingers shudder its way to halt at the back of Jinki's neck.

'We are friends.' Jonghyun's usually loud voice is down to a whisper and his eyes are so big and glistening with heavy tears.

'Jonghyun.' Jinki sighs and it comes out as a sob and the name chokes him. Jinki throws his head back and it makes a thumping noise as it connects with the hard concrete.

Jonghyun falls forward running his other hand under Jinki's head and pulls him forward. His fingers running through soft hair and massaging Jinki's head.

'Don't Jinki' Jonghyun speaks, his voice demanding.

'Jonghyun, don't touch me.' Jinki tries to pull away but Jonghyun holds him, unwilling to let him go.

'Jinki.'

'Don't. Touch. Me.' Jinki shouts backing away to the side.

'I need you!' Jonghyun cries, grabbing hold of Jinki's hand. 'I need you. Jinki.'  
  
Jinki forces himself to look at Jonghyun. His tears are falling and they run down his beautiful face and Jinki cannot breathe. Hurting Jonghyun was never on his mind.

'Why do you think this is impossible? Tell me Jinki.' Jonghyun is crying and Jinki's heart is shattering.

His eyes are tearing up and he bites the inside of his lip to stop himself from falling apart in front of Jonghyun.

'Jinki. You owe me a fucking explanation.' Jonghyun wipes his eyes on the back of his hand. 'At least.' He adds as fresh ones fall.

Jinki stares back at the handsome boy with the beautiful voice. He has never been so sorry. For making him hurt. For making him cry.

'Tell me.' Jonghyun pleads squeezing Jinki's hand.

'I love you.' Jinki breathes. 'I love you.'

Jonghyun's eyes freezes on Jinki's. A smile at last through a veil of tears.

'I love you.' Jonghyun whispers leaning closer to Jinki.

'I don't see the problem. If we both love each other. I don't understand.' Jonghyun touches his forehead to the back of Jinki's palm. 'I love you.' He sniffles and looks up.

'Jonghyun' Jinki lets his tears fall.

'He knows. He president knows about us.' Jinki finally breaks.

Jonghyun's eyes shoot back up at him. Fear spread over his face. 'How did he find out?'

'He knows, Jonghyun. It's too late.'

Jonghyun doesn't budge. He brings Jinki's hand down to his lips and kisses it.  
  
'Saranghae.'  
  
'It means something to you, right?'

Despite the tears Jinki manages a smile.

'It means everything.'

___

Jinki wakes up first. He usually doesn't. He'd be the last to wake up anywhere anytime. Even before he awoke he could feel the soft skin on his skin. Warm and soft and comforting. Jonghyun's face is inches from his and Jinki watches in wonder. The boy with the magnificent voice is in love with him and Jinki finds it hard to take in. He moves his head slightly and touches his lips to Jonghyun's forehead. Jonghyun smiles and murmurs softly, words that Jinki cannot make sense of and goes back to sleep.

'Thank you.' Jinki smiles and closes his eyes close to Jonghyun.

___

'Hi.' Jonghyun joins him in the bathroom. His eyes glued to his reflection.

'Hi.' Jinki smiles. 'Ready for the busy day?'  
  
It is the shooting of their latest music video and they all had to wake up extra early.

'You know I am.' Jonghyun moves closer and places a kiss on Jinki's shoulder before heading back out the bathroom.

__

Jonghyun's eyes land on Jinki as he enters the sitting room. Their eyes meet for a millisecond before Jinki breaks contact and surveys the room. Jonghyun can read him like a book. He wants something and he is not eager to say it out loud.

'Ya! Jinki hyung! What are you looking for?' It is Key that answers, who is sitting comfortably next to Jonghyun on the couch and at the process of flipping through the pages of a fashion magazine.

Jinki's eyes stops of Jonghyun before they move onto Key and Jonghyun knows straighter way what Jinki is looking for.

'Nothing. It's nothing.' The older boy replies quickly before turning and heading down the hall way in the direction of his room.

Jonghyun sighs, with a faint smile across his lips and slowly extricates himself off the comfy couch.

'Ya! Where are you going?' Key doesn't even look up when he speaks preoccupied with the latest clothes and accessories.

'I'll be back. Jinki hyung wants something. Going to check out what it is.'

_

Jinki has his back to him when he opens the bedroom door. He doesn't turn even when the door shut with a small thud.

'When did I become nothing, hyung?' Jonghyun smiles, slowly closing the gap between the pair as Jinki continues to type something on his laptop. Jonghyun's smile disappears the moment he catches Jinki's face. His eyes serious. He looks troubled.  
  
'Hyung, what's wrong?' Jonghyun murmurs, too worried to speak up, believing it will make things worse.  
  
Jinki finally looks up at him and the seriousness in his eyes disappears. Almost. 'Jonghyun.'  
  
'You promised. You said you'd tell me everything.'

 

 

  
  
  
  
...to be continued?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> This is the first SHINee fic that I wrote and it's a Jongyu fic! I love them so much. I actually forgot that I wrote this. Might update in the near future.


End file.
